Amber's Journal: The Real Girl Problem

Episodes May 21, 2026

"So anyway, when Erica came over she had a blouse on just like this one, and I told Oscar how much I liked it and I started describing it to him, and he stopped me. He called Erica and asked her what it was and she told him. He's like, 'Amber, go find it on Amazon or whatever and just buy it. You deserve it.' I thought that was really sweet of him. And then I got this skirt and these shoes just, y'know, to have an outfit."

"Mmmhmm."

"But Oh My God. When the stuff came, I asked him if he'd help me put it on and he did, and with me not being able to stand up on my own, it was a serious ordeal. Oscar said he didn't need to go to the gym - he'd already done all the weightlifting he needed to do for the day."

"You look really cute, honey, but you didn't put him through all that just for me, did you?"

"Well, I mean..."

"Amber, you really didn't need to."

"I do have a Zoom call with one of his new clients to walk them through how to use the business app, so I'm, y'know, more professional wearing this."

"But you're in bed, honey."

"Yeah, but I have this app that does a background filter. They can't tell that I'm lying on a bed; it looks like I'm in an office chair in a cubicle. It's pretty neat!"

"All right. But I just don't really understand it. I mean, if you're going to be in bed, you should have bedclothes on."

"Seriously?"

"Well of course, honey. You ought to be in a nightgown. Or even a negligee."

"But, Kim..."

"I can't believe he has you in work clothes. I actually can't believe he has you working."

"Why?"

"That isn't what you're for, honey."

"What I'm for?"

"Amber, we both know what you're for."

"I'm for lots of things, Kim. I mean, I take care of the house, I'm a good cook, I do office assistant stuff for the company..."

"Yes, but you're, you know."

"What?"

"Amber, you're a sex doll. Especially if you're going to spend your time in bed."

"Wow."

"I'm just saying. He should treat you appropriately, and he should get a real girl for the things he's making you do."

[I can't believe I thought this woman was my friend]

"I mean, I'm looking out for you, Amber. Especially if you're going to be broken, poor dear."

"Yeah, OK."

"Anyway, I do understand your concern. It's terrible not to feel seen. Believe me, I know."

"But I've got to run. I'll put a call in to Anna, though. She's who you'll want to talk to about getting something new on this wall, not Sophie."

"Thanks, Kim."

-------------------------------

"So I'm video journaling again. I know I was going to start writing these, but I'm too pissed for that. Kim just left, and I'm...

"I don't know what I am. Upset, maybe. But like, despondent.

"The thing is, Oscar kind of warned me about Kim. He doesn't really like her. He says she's really fake and a loser, and he said Kim was really just playing like she's my friend because she wants to date him. And I was like, 'Oh, yeah, because that's not conceited or anything.'

"And he laughed at me! Which... OK, he laughs at me all the time, and it's not like he's mean about it or anything. He just likes to tease me. But this time he said he was serious and that I really shouldn't get my hopes up about Kim.

"So she called and she's like 'I'm in the neighborhood; how about I come and see you guys,' and I'm like, 'Oh, that would be awesome!' And then I made Oscar help me get dressed - well, OK, I made him dress me, because I can put a shirt on and that's about it right now - but I totally forgot to ask him to bring me downstairs before he left for a meeting.

"And that's not the kind of thing I'd forget. I'm normally really detailed. Oscar said he'd call me Anal Amber but people would think it's a dirty joke, and I didn't know how to handle it because I was laughing so hard and also trying to yell at him for being gross.

"But what worries me is that I'm forgetting things like that all the time since the accident. It's like I said before - this is something that could end me, and I'm getting to the point where I'm worrying myself about it so much that it's making me forget things even more.

"Oscar calls that a doom loop, and he says I need to relax. And he's right, but it's really hard because I'm, like, helpless. I mean, I can work, and I'm actually getting pretty good at the computer stuff, because - duh! Factory Girl with the computer brain is good at computer work! - but all my other stuff I need Katie's body for and that company who owns her is working her pretty much 24/7, so I can barely get her to switch with me.

"And if I'm being honest, I don't like being in Katie's body. It's pretty and all, but it's a workhorse body and I'm a show pony. I know that sounds all girly and... whatever, but I gotta be me, y'know?

"But then Kim shows up, and, like, she just wants to talk about her. So for like 20 minutes I sat here and listened to her talk about, like, literally nothing. Like, she has zero life. And I totally can't understand that. She's a real girl, she has a bunch of family money and doesn't have to work, she's healthy... woman, why don't you have any life experiences?

"But I'm just like, oooh, uh huh, wow. What else am I gonna say? I really would like to have one real-girl friend, and I'm totally, like o-fer on that.

"Well, maybe that's not true. Because my last journal, I was talking about how I screwed it up with Erica and apparently I didn't. She sent me an email and apologized that she ran out of here and she said I hadn't done anything wrong and she really appreciated the time we spent. That was super-nice, I thought. And I had told Oscar about that whole incident and he was like, 'yeah, don't worry about that, it had nothing to do with you.'

"And I was like 'I hope you're right,' and then Erica sent that email. I don't know if Oscar made her do that or if she did it herself, and either way it makes me feel good I guess.

"But it's not like Erica is really going to be my friend, at least not right now. Her husband is dying! I don't think I'm gonna rate all that high with her. So it would have to be Kim, and...

"I don't like her. Oscar is right about her. She's so fake - she's like, you should be in a negligee because you're a sex doll.

"Oh my God. What a bitch! Really? Forget about the fact that my sex days are over in this stupid paralyzed body, so thanks for reminding me of that, like that won't make me sad or anything. But you think maybe you could be more demeaning?

"I'm gonna stop. I'm making myself mean, and I don't want to. Oscar's gonna come home in a couple of hours and I'm gonna tell him he's got to give me a reset. And I feel guilty about that, because I kinda pride myself that when he comes home I'm, like, a friendly face and I'm cheerful and sweet and all, and instead it's like 'I'm all up in my feels and I can't talk to you for two hours.' Y'know? I'm supposed to be the part of his day that doesn't suck!

"Hopefully he'll understand. But I'm just so bummed! I wish I could, like, clean the house or cook him dinner or something so I could work out all this aggression.