Season 1, Episode 10: The Clothes Horse

It was a Saturday, and I was in my office cleaning up a few things I neglected during the week, and look who showed up and plopped down next to me.

"Hi."

"Hi yourself, Amber. What's this outfit you've got on?"

"Well, it's Saturday. So I'm wearing a Saturday outfit. See?"

"Yup. Jean shorts. Gotta be Saturday."

"What's wrong with jean shorts?"

"Well, what are you going to do in them?"

"I dunno. I have no idea what to do. It's only my second Saturday as somebody's...whatever."

"You mean cute, funny and lovable silicone friend?"

"Yeah, that."

"Well, around here Saturdays are pretty laid back, so..."

"Yeah, but..."

"But what?"

"You're WORKING."

"I know. Not forever. I just have a few things to do."

"But I want you to entertain me."

"To entertain you? I thought this was supposed to work the opposite way."

"Listen, mister..."

"I'm sorry - are you listen mistering me?"

"Yes."

"I don't know if you get to do that. That's a way you might get a spanking or something."

"Promise?"

"You really are starved for attention, aren't you?"

"I dunno. I'm just trying to act cute and all."

"Well, you're succeeding, even though Whiny Amber isn't really my favorite Amber."

"I know. And I know which other Amber you like best."

"Right. Do we get to see her today, or is this gonna be it?

"Well, I need something to do."

"You know what you're dressed for?"

"What's that?"

"Housework. This place could use some spiffing up!"

"Can I do that?"

"I don't know, Amber. Can you?"

"I guess I can try..."

"Good girl. Can't wait to see how this goes. Listen, I've got to meet Keegan on a business thing, but I won't be too long. Are you gonna be OK by yourself?"

"Sure! I'll do some housework and then I thought maybe I'd take Rufus for a walk. You want me to do that, right?"

"Yeah. But I think maybe I should go with you first. He can get excited if he sees something, and that can mean a pretty stiff pull on his leash."

"But I'm pretty strong, you know."

"Amber, do me a favor. Why don't you wait on walking Rufus?"

"Fine, whatever. Enjoy your meeting!"

----------------------

Keegan was all excited, because he'd done some major revisions to his business app based on some of the contract work we'd done, and he showed me what he'd been working on...

"Damn," I said. "This is a hell of a good selling aid for the consulting business.

"Yeah, well, you're welcome. But use it. Let's make some money."

"Fine. I will. But since when are you so motivated by money?"

"Dude, you're always telling me that I need to be thinking about monetizing the apps I make. Now I'm serious about it and you're asking questions?"

"Hey, I'm not complaining. And making business apps instead of that cool artistic stuff you do is a step in the right direction. The artistic stuff is great, but that's what you do after you've gotten rich."

"Boring, bro."

"You don't remember the John Adams quote?"

"Umm, no."

"Goes something like, 'I must study politics and war, that our sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. Our sons ought to study mathematics and philosophy, in order to give their children a right to study painting and poetry.' There's more to it, but I can't remember it all."

He just gave me a completely befuddled look.

"The point being, get the serious stuff done first, and then you can do the fun stuff. For Adams it was politics and war. For you, it's getting one of those apps to make you a billion dollars. That's your war."

"Yeah, OK, Mr. Adams."

"I will use this business app to get clients, and you can load up your little dude with grunt IT work so we can both make a bunch of money off him."

"Now it's two little dudes. I picked up a second one. You need to get out and sell."

"Hey, that's awesome. And it's Saturday, so I'm gonna go home and chill for the rest of the weekend."

"You aren't gonna chill. I know what you're gonna do. Lucky bastard."

I just gave him a shit-eating grin and left.

-----------------------------------

When I got back to the house, there was this...

"Hey! You're back!"

"No kidding. Amber, are you cleaning this place up?"

"Of course I am. You told me to, right?"

"Actually, yeah. I did. I just didn't actually think you'd do it."

(gasp) "You mean you didn't have faith in me?"

"Maybe not enough."

"Well, I guess you'll learn, then. Oh, by the way, look what I've got!"

"What's that?"

"Just a little something that came for me."

"For you? And how did this happen?"

"I, ummm, did a little online shopping."

"You did? On whose card?"

"That would be yours."

"I'm not sure that's a good development."

"I am. You'll see. Here..."

"Well, look at that."

"I know, right? So cute!"

"It's like a Valentine's Day thing."

"Yeah, but it works all year. At least, that's what I think."

"Hey, I can't argue with that."

"It's kinda like my first big non-Amazon shopping day. Are you happy for me?"

"Sure. What have you got there? A t-shirt, looks like a jean skirt, and a leather jacket?"

"Plus a cute cami. Oh, and the jacket's not real leather. Y'know, not hurting the animals."

"Right. We don't really care about that, but I'm sure the oil companies are cool with it."

"Whaddya mean?"

"Never mind. Hey, you wanna try this stuff on?"

"Absolutely. What do you think?"

"Skirt's a little big. I'm not sure how summery it is."

"So I'll wear it when it gets cooler. How about the jacket?"

"I like it. You might actually have some taste, Amber. Who knew?"

"I know, right? I get cuter by the minute!"

"Well, all I know is I'm getting hungry. You want me to pick up some take-out food?"

"Sure. Whatever you want."

A quick aside - it turns out that Amber can eat. She can taste food and everything. And she has sensors which detect alcohol in her system and that means she can actually get drunk.

Absolutely ingenious.

Now - she doesn't actually digest her food. She eats, and it just comes out of the other end. So eating for her is more of a social thing than a necessary thing; as such, she really only takes a taste of food.

So she's a very cheap date. One more little asset a Factory Girl brings to the table.

I ran out to Popeye's and got a full spread, knowing she'd just take a taste of my stuff and then we could eat leftovers for the rest of the weekend.

And afterward, Amber insisted on walking Rufus.

How'd that go? Well...