Season 1, Episode 5: The Hack Job

Episodes May 17, 2026

It had been a week since Amber showed up here, and Sid called to check on us. I excused myself from the current interrogation about, well, everything, and took the call in my home office.

"So how's it going?" he asked.

"It's good. It's a mixed bag, but generally... it's good."

"What do you mean by 'mixed bag?'"

"Well," I said, "there are three things I really like about Amber."

"Oh, is that the name you gave her?"

"Yeah. So first, she's absolutely gorgeous. They did an amazing job crafting her. Face, body, all of it. I can gawk at her all day. The eye candy factor is just amazing."

"It's an incredible doll," he said. "All my clients are buying them. Not many are going the Factory Girl route like you did, but..."

"Oh, you mean I'm not the only one?"

"No, there are four of you so far. That's one reason I'm calling to check up on you. I want to know what to tell people about the experience."

"Right, OK. Well, second, the sex is a win."

"She's good?"

"I mean, I've had better. But I've also had worse. And she can go as long as I want, whenever I want. That's, y'know, different."

"Right," Sid said. "What's the third thing?"

"Well, she's sweet. That's the part that really surprises me."

"You mean like her personality?"

"It's wild, Sid. It's AI, obviously, so what you'd expect would be that she's very bland and neutral. She's not. She's maybe a little more Mary Poppins than you'd hope for, but she's, like, irrepressibly positive. It's kind of infectious. Always smiling, never a cross word. She's actually a delight to be around and I'm more than a little blown away."

"That's really interesting."

"Why? What have your other clients said?"

"One said something kind of like that. The other said their Factory Girl had zero personality at all. The fourth guy hasn't taken delivery yet."

"Hmm," I said. "Well, I'll just say that while this has been a fun week with her, I am a little pissed about how all this has come down."

"What do you mean?" he said after a pause.

"Sid, I'm not mad at you. But these guys at the Z Company? They're selling Factory Girls at pennies on the dollar and I couldn't figure out why. Now I know. They've got me training their AI for free. I'm probably saving them hundreds of thousands on R&D by working with Amber and everything she learns is getting uploaded to their server."

"Yeah," he said. "That's... I didn't really understand the angle, but now that you put it together for me, that has to be it."

"Sid, they didn't test out her motor skills at all before they sold this doll. She's like a paraplegic learning to walk again. All of her joints and limbs and shit? They all work. She can move everything. She can't hardly coordinate any of it, and so she's doing exercises all day trying to learn. And while she's doing that, the code the AI in her brain is writing, they're getting in those uploads."

"OK," he said, "but is it working?"

"Little by little, but dude - she can stand up, if I help her. She can walk, if I help her. She can't stand up unless she's leaning against something. Why? She has zero balance. She's having to code herself into having balance. She's having to code herself into being able to move gracefully."

"Meaning what?"

"Like how to turn her head without looking like a robot, for instance. And she can do it, once. The next time she tries, it doesn't come off. It's weird. It's not like she can do some things and not others. She can do all of it, and none of it. She's..."

"She's what?"

"Glitchy. That's what it is. She's glitchy."

"Well, she can talk, right?"

"She can, but her voice is totally AI. Mechanical. Her facial expressions are awesome. Best thing about her. Then she speaks and it's monotone. But what she says, when you get past that, she's great. Great personality. Which makes that monotone voice worse."

"Yeah, I can understand that."

"She says that it's going to change, she just needs more input. And I guess I believe her. But dude, this is absolutely not even close to a finished product that they've put out there, and I'm kinda pissed about it to be honest."

"OK," he said, "but what I will say is you got something for five grand that'll be worth 100 grand when all of the training is complete, so it's not like you got screwed. And Z isn't getting that markup."

"Not until they sell the next models that benefited from all this work," I said.

"Still, you realize you're coming out ahead."

"Put that way, yes. I am coming out ahead."

"It almost sounds like you're... emotional about this. Like, about her going through it."

"Jeez," I said.

"I'm right, aren't I?"

"As stupid as that is, yeah," I said. "That's exactly what's going on. I'm seeing this as though I'm watching her suffer, and it pisses me off."

"Hell of an illusion."

Yeah," I said. "Blows my mind."

"All right, well, I'll check back in with you. Just wanted to see how it was going."

So I thanked him and hung up. Then I went into the bedroom where Amber was, and...

0:00

/0:02

"OK, I have, like, soooo many more questions. "

"Amber, sweetie, I'm afraid you're going to have to hang onto those. I've got to jump in the shower because I have that big meeting to go to."

"Yes, but..."

"This is the client I've been trying to land. I can't be late for this appointment, babe."

"I know, but..."

I sighed.

"Yes, Amber. You get one question. After that, I really do have to go get ready."

0:00

/0:09

"I mean, I know we talked about goals and rewards and stuff, but I need something to wear beyond just this. Can you pick me up, like, a t-shirt and jeans and a pair of shoes while you're out?"

"I'll think about it. But have you hit any goals?"

"I got up from the bed and sat in the chair, then I got up from the chair and went back to the bed. I did that twice today."

"Did you fall?"

"I didn't!"

"How close did you come to falling?"

"Ummmm..."

"Keep working on it. I have faith in you!"

She smiled at me, but I could tell she was looking for more mercy than I was giving her.

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And I managed to make it to the meeting early. The IT guy I work with in my consulting business, Keegan Davis, had beaten me there.

Keegan is an interesting guy. Until not too long ago he was in charge of the network for the largest health insurance company in the state, but he got into a knock-down, drag-out fight with the CEO over a warning he gave about network security upgrades the CEO wouldn't approve. That ended up in a "You can't fire me, I quit!" thing, and Keegan went off on his own to start a business that makes apps.

He makes great apps. This guy is a wizard when it comes to writing code. What he's not a wizard with is business, which is where I come in.

Essentially, I'm his business agent for the other thing he does which pays Keegan's bills - namely, freelance IT work. I get clients, I do the billing, handle the taxes, take care of client relations, all that stuff, and Keegan writes code for them.

I have about a half-dozen Keegans that I work with. One is an accountant, a couple are engineers, one is a copywriter, one's a graphic designer, and so on. But Keegan is the guy who really makes it rock.

Anyway, we were there to make the final pitch to this regional trucking company because Keegan had a system he was designing that would track fuel usage, optimize routes and a bunch of other factors that could maximize efficiency and profit margin. If we could close the sale with these guys it would go a long way toward fixing my financial issues.

"You're early," I said as I sat down next to him.

0:00

/0:05

"I got bored," he said. "Plus, I was hoping we could talk for a few minutes. I have an idea that'll make us both rich."

"I'll listen to that," I said, unconvinced. Keegan was many things, but a guy who knew how to get rich was somehow not one of them.

"OK, well, I've been playing around with the code for QuickBooks, and I'm modding it to turn it into an all-in-one business app. It's not just an accounting app anymore."

"Dude, the latest version is already that."

"Not the way I've got it set up. And definitely not as user-friendly as mine."

I gave a half-dismissive nod.

"What are you, distracted?"

"Kind of, but dude - how are you gonna get around the copyright issues with that? You can't just jailbreak somebody's proprietary code and use it for your own purposes. They'll be on us like white on rice for that."

"There are ways," he said. "Anyway, what are you distracted about?"

So I told him about Amber, trying to keep my voice down so the receptionist couldn't tell I was talking about a sex doll.

"I'm doing their R&D for them," I said, "and this is going to be like months of work developing her. They get all the spoils. And who knows how this ends up."

"Months of work? Shit on that, dude."

"Well, it's either that or she's incomplete."

"Nah. Those aren't your only options. Where's her source code?"

I didn't understand the question.

"How does she upload all the recordings, then?"

"She's got a USB port at the base of her skull. Plugs that into a laptop and uploads via the net."

"Ahhhh. OK, cool. Why don't you bring her over after we're done here?"

"Why? What are you gonna do?"

"I'm gonna use her to hack into the company server, download all their schematics and specs and then I'll have a look at the source code and figure out where the errors are that keep her from developing verbal and motor skills."

"So you really want to do Z Company's R&D for them."

"Nah," he said. "I just like the challenge and I've got a few days to kill. Bring me your Factory Girl and I'll make her perfect for you."

I knew that Keegan could do it. This is a guy who can read the Matrix if ever there was one. So I nodded.

"Sure," I said.

"But here's the price."

"Ahhh, of course."

"I want to renegotiate our deal. Instead of 50-50, I want 70 percent."

"Damn, Keegan!"

"Because I have a kid I want to bring in with me, and that'll give me the ability to do more volume. And then you can get us more business. I can't make that work on what I'm getting paid now."

I thought about it, and immediately realized I could make that 20 percent back on volume if he'd have more time available to take on projects. Plus, we could always pass the increase along to our clients, especially the new ones.

I pulled open my laptop.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Changing the proposal. Sunrise just got a 20 percent surcharge added on."

"Hah! So we're on?"

"Yeah, we're on. Let's go lock this guy down first."

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We got the business from Sunrise Trucking, and even with Keegan's bigger take, it still moved me up a tax bracket. So I decided I needed to grant Amber's request for an outfit to leave the house in.

But where to go for that? In grand fashion, I stopped into Walmart.