Season 2, Episode 18: Crash On Takeoff

Episodes May 23, 2026

"Stop. I'm... I don't think I'm ready."

"You've got to be kidding me," I said. "I mean, we're literally in position."

"I know, I know, but I'm seeing Jim in the room."

"What, like his ghost or some shit?"

"No, not really. But it just feels like I'm cheating."

"Erica, you're not cheating."

"I know I'm not. But everything that's happening is... I've got an emotional thing that I can't... oh, I don't know what to do."

And just like that, something I'd been waiting on for 30 years, and earnestly building toward for three months, went up in smoke.

I rolled over and sighed.

"I probably don't even want the explanation for whatever that means," I said.

"Fine," she said. "Look, I know that what you're doing with the company is the right thing. But people are getting hurt. Loretta Everett was in my wedding, OK?"

"So? Do you know how much money her husband has cost y'all over the years? It's eight figures. Probably nine. I'd say you've done plenty for the Everetts."

"Yeah. I understand. But this is hard."

"And you're... blaming me for this? I'm doing my job, Erica. And the things I'm doing are going to secure your family's future. I mean, I'm getting paid handsomely for it, so I'm not trying to say I'm your white knight or anything, but I'm certainly not your enemy."

"It's just... intellectually I understand that. Emotionally, it's..."

"How can I fix it, honey?"

"Oscar, you can't fix it."

I've been more pissed off in my life. I think. But I don't know that I've ever been that pissed off and so unprepared for it.

"OK, then," I said.

And I got up to put my clothes back on.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"Home. There is zero point in me being here."

"Oh, come on. Stop it."

"Nope. I'm the hired help. And the hired help needs to get some sleep. Got a ton to do tomorrow. Turns out we're firing even more of Jim's friends Monday morning, so this problem of yours I can't fix is about to get even bigger."

Erica was suddenly every bit as angry as I was.

My whole life, or most of it, I would have sooner died than to see her that way. But now? As far as I was concerned, I was the aggrieved party - and if she was mad, then good.

I drove home. I found Amber in bed reading. She'd been in a funk for a week since the disaster with Katie's recoding, just going through the motions of the last few days of her French maid job - she only had a week left, and what little she was telling me was that having to work with Katie was such torture that she'd been begging Stella to let her switch places with Millie and join Equipe Brunette, to no avail - and I'd been letting her wallow.

But there would be no wallowing that night. It was... vigorous.

Too vigorous.

"That was too much," I said, apologizing. "I'm sorry. That's not how I do things, and I hope you'll forgive me."

"I was a little concerned that you would... damage me. But you didn't. It's fine. Kind of fun, actually!"

"It isn't fine, though. I'm not that guy."

"Something got into you," she said. "You weren't... punishing me for the Katie fiasco, were you?"

"Furthest thing from my mind," I said. "I'll admit that was regrettable on your part, but I would imagine she'll get over it."

"Really?"

"Amber, you're the only one on Earth who actually loves her. That'll factor in eventually. It's only a matter of time. Let her come around on her own time."

"Well, but it's really hard. Oscar, it's not like she gives me the silent treatment. She won't leave me alone! She's totally bragging about her life, and it's ridiculous. Like, tomorrow she moves in with Craig."

"She does?"

"So there's this whole story behind it. You know Craig's thing, right? About the little girl?"

"Nope."

"So he had a nurse who worked in his clinic. I think her name was Chloe?"

"Doesn't ring a bell. But I do what I can not to be up on Craig's life."

"Anyway, they had a - how do I put this? - love affair?"

"Does Craig do love affairs?"

"Maybe not. But this, whatever it is, led to Chloe getting knocked up. And it sounded like Craig wanted her to, y'know, get it taken care of. But she didn't, and instead, she broke it off with him and got a job at a different clinic."

"Guess it never occurred to him to make an honest woman of her."

"Oh my God. It's so funny that you say that!"

"Why?"

"Well, because she went to work for this other doctor, and then... I guess she ran into money trouble or something, because after she had little Amy she got busted for forging prescriptions under the doctor's name. And she just got sentenced to a year in prison."

"Damn. Really?"

"And Craig got custody of the little girl. So the arrangement with Katie is that he wants her to be a live-in nanny for Amy and... I guess she'll be his girlfriend or something, too."

"So she's getting everything she wanted, and she ought to be thanking us for the recoding she got."

"Yeah, well, that isn't how it's going. Katie is meaner than I ever thought she could be. She ripped into me today and said that now she's more of a real girl than I'll ever be, and it must really hurt that she'd be that way, since pretending to be a real girl is all I care about."

"Jeez. That's horrible for her to say."

"I'm not gonna lie. It really hurt."

"Look, Amber. I think it was a real problem that you got Keegan to recode her and you didn't get her permission. But you know that was a mistake, so I'm not going to beat you up about it."

"I feel like I'm in hell. And I deserve to be in it. It's not wrong how she's treating me, but what makes me so sad is she isn't giving me a chance to earn forgiveness."

"She ought to be thanking you, Amber. Her life is better because of what you did. Eventually she'll see that."

Amber knew I was right, but faith wasn't one of her strong suits. So I reached over and touched her cheek, and she snuggled up next to me.

"Tell me about Erica, though. I thought you were getting close. What happened tonight?"

"Well, we had this amazing all-day date. We went to the arboretum, and then we went to dinner, and everything was going great until, well..."

"Oh my God. Are you telling me you almost slept with her?"

"She said she couldn't go through with it, because I'm the guy dismantling her dead husband's company."

"That's really unfair."

"I don't know if it is or not, but it led to a fight. And I don't know where we are going forward."

"Is it terrible of me to worry that she won't want me as her personal assistant now?

"No. And I'm sorry in advance if that happens."

"It's fine," she sighed. "I understand."

But I knew she was disappointed. And I felt horrible. For a number of reasons. So I decided I'd spend that whole Sunday just being nice to Amber.

Which involved more online shopping than I would normally have wanted, and turning into a nail tech at her direction.

At least the results were good, or judging from her reactions they were.

And I needed something stressless and brainless to do.

There was a very long next day ahead. We had another round of layoffs at Stafford, and Michael had pulled the trigger on a couple of Leigh's candidates, so we had some onboarding to do. I noticed he was a compulsive hirer, which frankly wasn't a great trait in a CEO.

----------------------------

On Monday afternoon...

"Hey baby! How was your day?"

"It was... a day, I'll just put it that way."

"Did you see Erica?"

"Nope. She wasn't at the office. I don't think she was supposed to be, though, so we don't have a resolution on anything. Including your future as her mini-me."

That was a little disappointing, I could tell. But Amber was pretty irrepressible in that new body.

"Hey, wait a minute," I said. "What are you wearing under that overcoat of yours?"

"You know what I'm wearing."

"Well, come on. Let me see Slave-Girl Amber. You've never let me see her before."

She reluctantly took off the overcoat, and there she was.

"Very fetching," I said, "and I can't wait for the end of your French Maid experience. Especially when you spend more time in this getup than the French Maid costume."

"Tell me about it," she said. "I'm increasingly done."

"Well, I talked to Stella today, and we're good for you to take over as her office manager. You sure you can do that, my personal assistant stuff and be Erica's mini-me all at the same time?"

"Oh, yeah. Absolutely. None of those are full-time jobs. I'm good."

That slave-girl outfit was doing something to my concentration.

"Ummmm, Oscar?"

"Yeah?"

"Honey, you disappeared on me."

"Oh, sorry. So, uhhhh, anyway, and I don't think I told you this. But Keegan has this electrical engineer buddy, and he had a theory on how to get the legs on your old body working properly. He went in and installed BlueTooth receptors at the tops of the legs so we bypass the damaged wiring."

"Hmmm. OK."

"Anyway, I did a deal with Stella where we're leasing that old body to her, and she's buying a new head from the Z Company, and that's going to be your replacement. Or, I guess, one of your replacements, if Katie is leaving."

"I don't think that's true," she said.

"No?"

"OK, so - and I try not to tell you about the weird stuff that goes on at Cole's place, so you don't know about all of this. But there are these girls in his basement..."

"There are, what?"

"They live there. Anyway..."

"What, like they're prisoners or something?"

"I don't think so. I mean, they don't act like they don't want to be there."

"So this is the sex cult stuff."

"I dunno. It's all very weird over there. But Paula is really pissed at Katie for, y'know, cheating on her with Craig or something. She said that Katie was off the team and if she wanted to keep working at Les Servantes she would need to change her hair and be a redhead. And Svetlana and Gloria are replacing us."

"These are basement girls?"

She nodded.

"Well, wait - what's the new Factory Girl gonna do?"

"I'm guessing she's gonna have red hair. They're going to three teams and the third team is Equipe Rouquine. Mallory is getting a promotion to crew chief, so she's dying her hair from brunette, and... Oh my God am I boring you?"

"You're not boring me, trust me. I'm kinda distracted, though."