Season 1, Episode 3: The Howdy

I stared at that box for a while, and finally went to work on it with the box-cutter. And a few seconds later I was staring at a headless figure that looked an awful lot like a very well-proportioned female human in her prime.

With no clothes on. Except for what looked like gloves and boots made of styrofoam.

That was a little awkward.

Near the feet was a cloth-wrapped globe that looked like a bowling ball.

That must be the head, I thought. So I unwrapped it, and...

That looked like a winner.

I'd read online that the thing to do with one of these doll bodies to get them out of the box is to grab a leg by the back of an ankle with one hand and press down on the torso just above the hip with the other, and then press the leg into a sitting position. Then do the same with the other leg. And then just rock her forward until she's sitting up in that box.

So I did.

I noticed myself leering at her and for some reason was embarrassed about it. In the box was a skimpy-looking string bikini thing, so rather than have her bare naked I managed to tie it on her. I noticed the bag of crap they'd sent with her also had a flimsy robe, so I put that on her as well.

So far, so good, I thought.

Then I attached the head. And because I was getting a little freaked out about that bald head of hers, I put the wig that came in the box on her.

I was expecting an instant Factory Girl. Instead...not a lot happened, actually.

And I lifted her onto the bed and bent her knees so she'd be stable.

She wasn't doing anything, but I stood there staring at her like a dumbass anyway, thinking "Well, I might have gotten ripped off with this Factory Girl stuff, but can I even complain about the eye candy?"

So I went downstairs for a bottle of water, and when I came back, something had changed...

"Umm, hi?" I said to the very, VERY realistic girl suddenly smiling at me intently.

"Howdy," she said, in a somewhat monotone voice which came off as obviously AI. "Are you Oscar?"

"I am. I thought you were just a doll, and now I see that you're a little more than that."

"Sorry," she said. "It took me a little while to boot up and get fully connected. Is this my new home?"

"Yep. This is it. Hey, how'd you know my name?"

"It was on your manifest file. They input that to us at the factory."

"I see. So do you do more than talk?"

"You don't want me to talk?" she said.

"Oh, you have a little sense of humor, don't you?"

"I try," she said, with a very cute expression on her face.

But that voice? It was very, VERY AI.

"OK," I said. "A question. Is this your voice, like, forever?"

"Do you not like it?"

"Well, it's just that your inflections are a little off."

"I can work on that," she said. "You're going to have to train me in order to make me yours."

"Fair enough," I said, my mind reeling at the notion this thing in front of me had the capacity to learn. "Back to my other question: what else can you do besides talking?"

"Lots of things," she said. "There's, y'know, the main thing, and..."

"You mean sex."

"I thought you'd ask about that first."

"Well, sure. But I expect I'd do most of the work with that, so..."

"Why?" she asked, and she seemed genuinely confused.

"Oh, I, uhhh," I stammered. "Tell you what - let's come back to that."

She just shrugged, a little mechanically.

"All right, how about walking? Can you do that?"

"Yep," she nodded.

"Then let's see it."

She just sat there.

"You OK?" I asked.

"Give me a second," she said.

"Want me to help you up?"

"Uh huh," she said.

So I grabbed her arm and pulled her up, and to my surprise she was able to rise on her own about halfway through. But as she stood I had to stabilize her.

"It's taking me a minute to train my engines," she said. "I can do this once I learn how."

"OK," I said. "How about walking? Do you need me to hold you up or something?"

"Probably," she said. "I don't quite have my balance. Please be patient with me."

"Hey, no problem."

I leaned her against the wall and stepped back, hoping that wasn't a mistake.

And she gave me a look. I think she noticed the look I was giving her.

"What?" she asked me.

"Nothing," I said. "You're pretty hot, though."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah. I'm impressed. I didn't think I'd be this fired up about having you here. Well, let me retract that - I had no idea what this would be like."

"So I'm better than you expected?"

"Everything but that mechanical voice of yours. I'm a little put off by that. I hope we can fix it."

"If you keep talking to me I'll get better," she said. "In fact, you need to keep talking to me."

"Why is that?"

"Well, because I don't know anything. I need to learn if I'm going to be a companion to you."

"Is that what you want to be?"

"It's why they made me."

"You mean as a Factory Girl."

She nodded with a big smile.

"OK, now that is cute," I said.

And that smile got even bigger.

Just then, my phone rang. It was a business call.

"I've got to take this," I said. "Can you manage?"

"You might want to lay me on the bed," she said. "I have exercises I can do."

So I picked her up and carried her onto the bed. And when I laid her down on it, she craned her neck a little and kissed me on the lips.

"Oh, wow," I said.

She smiled.

"Hurry up with your phone call," she said as I answered the phone.